I don't actually hate you
by Tucky
Summary: Draco couldn't understand why Potter would rather hang out with a muggleborn and a Weasly instead of him. He had money, he was of pure blood, what wasn't to like? He was clearly the better choice. It was hard pretending to hate him, he insulted his precious friends on purpose as that would get the biggest reaction out of him. Potter would have ignored him otherwise.
1. Chapter 1

Draco couldn't understand why Potter would rather hang out with a muggleborn and a Weasly instead of him.

He had money, he was of pure blood, what wasn't to like? He was clearly the better choice, so why wasn't he good enough?

It had irked him and thus he had tried to tell him that he was the better choice, but he rejected him.

He wasn't sure how it happened, but since then they had become bitter enemies, or at least Potter certainly hated him, it was clear from the glares he sent his way whenever Draco opened his mouth. To be honest, it hurt whenever the eyes filled with such hate and loathing were directed at him, yet he kept up with the act as it was the only way to get any interaction from the boy who lived.

It was hard pretending to hate him, he insulted his precious friends on purpose as that would get the biggest reaction out of him. Potter would have ignored him otherwise.

Truthfully, Draco knew that what he felt was more than trying to be recognised or wanting to be friends, he was aware that he liked him. He wouldn't be so desperate for his attention otherwise, he had come to this realisation after a careless remark by one of his friends said as a joke.

"Man Draco, are you sure you don't actually love him? It's like your pining for his attention!" Although it was said in jest, it is what made Draco stop to think, could it be? Well he certainly liked the face he made when he laughed with friends, he always seemed to glow and his smile was nice, so warm and friendly. How his eyes would light up when quiddich was mentioned. The colour such a vibrant green, it was a big contrast to Draco's own cold, gray ones.

He supposed the biggest thing was how free he always seemed, sure he had expectations and all, but they didn't seem to bother him. He didn't care about how people saw him. This particular trait of his was enviable as Draco couldn't break free of the expectations placed on him by his father, the pressure he went through in order to become someone he could be proud of.

He knew that if he was to gain his father's pride, he would have to keep these shameful feelings hidden. Because of this he, without meaning to, took it out in his meetings with Potter and his friends, he started to say cruel things and the pain inside him only grew.

—

"Hey, don't you think Malfoy's getting nastier these days?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron after a particularly bad encounter.

"Well it's Malfoy what did you expect?" Ron answered rudely, Harry pondered the question, he had noticed the same thing himself since a while ago, also during dinner he had the distinct impression that Malfoy kept staring at him, but when he turned to look, he would be talking with friends, so it was probably all just his imagination. Though lately also, Harry had noticed that he was looking stressed, the rare times he had seen him on his own, he wondered if the reason he was getting nastier was because of it?

Seeing his hated enemy in such a way made him rethink a few things, about why Malfoy did the things he did. Harry had come upon the conclusion that he picked fights with him as a way of release, or something. It felt weird to Harry to think of Draco having feelings of any sort, but that must have been the case, or he wouldn't have looked so worn out and a little pained. Harry thus resolved to observe Malfoy for a while.

"Hey Harry! Have you been listening to me at all?" Hermiones's voice broke through his thought.

"Sorry Hermione, I was thinking about something, what were you saying?"

"Honestly! You're as bad as Ron!"

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed, offended by her remark.

Harry chuckled at the two's antics. "So, what were you saying Hermione?"

"What?… Oh that's right! I asked you what you thought about the situation with Malfoy, because recently when I went to the library, I spotted him sitting on his own in the corner with a really troubled look on his face, he looked really stressed!"

"Who cares about him? He's a bloody git." Ron said harshly.

"Ron! You can't just say that! I know he's not th nicest person ever" at this Ron snorted and rolled his eyes. Hermione frowned in disapproval and continued, "but that doesn't mean we can ignore it! I mean I've never seen him with a face like that before!" Hermione turned her attention back to Harry, clearly expecting a reply.

"Hmm, I don't know, I've seen him like that too, and he seemed quite pale just now as well." Although it pained him to admit it, he actually felt a bit worried as it was months ago that he saw him, and it was clearly getting worse. "Actually, recently I feel like he keeps staring at me during dinner" Harry admitted, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"What? Why on earth would he do that?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know" Harry admitted

"Well duh! The guy hates you, he was probably staring at you, planning what he'll do next." Ron said in a tone that implied the other two were brain dead.

"Hmmm" Harry couldn't shake the feeling that that wasn't the reason, the stare didn't feel hateful, it was something else… Harry shook his head, there was no use thinking about it now anyway, it would be dinner soon.

—  
the great Hall

There it was a gain, the feeling of eyes on his back.

"Hey" he whispered to Hermione and Ron, "is he staring? I feel like he his"

Hermione glanced up quickly and a strange expression crossed her face.

"He is, but he's not glaring, it's… it's more pained looking. I don't really get it."

Harry pondered this information, maybe when he next found him alone he would confront him on it.

—

It was a few days later when Draco was sitting in a secluded spot outside, that Potter suddenly appeared in front of him, he quickly changed his expression into a sneer.

"What are you doing here Potter? I see your so called friends aren't with you today" he said, spitting out his name like poison.

Potter just sighed, "Drop the act Malfoy, I know somethings up."

Draco grew nervous and tried to keep up the charade, "I don't know what you mean" he sneered to make it more believable.

"Look, I saw you just now, you're clearly worn out and stressed so just drop the act that you're fine."

There was something in his voice that made Draco just let go, I was so tiring to keep a mask on your face, and he'd been doing it for years.

He sighed, it was big and tired. He was sure he looked a mess, he hadn't been sleeping well recently and it probably showed on his face.

"What do you want?" He asked, he hardly recognised his own voice, it sounded so tired and resigned.

Clearly Potter thought the same as he suddenly became more awkward and nervous like he didn't know how to act unless Draco was hissing and spitting at him.

—-

Harry was lost with what he should do, this wasn't the Draco he knew, the Draco he knew was strong and pridefull, not this feeble, worn out person in front of him. He didn't look well, Harry noticed the bags under his eyes and his slumped shoulders. He felt ache in his chest that he didn't quite understand.

"Umm, I guess I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Malfoy looked up incredulously and forced out a short laugh.

He put his head in his hands, "Don't pretend that you care about me Potter, I'm not falling for it." He said sounding quite upset.

"But I am worried, you really don't look well." Harry said worried and a little shocked at the emotion he was seeing, he was looking really distressed now.

"Stop lying! You hate me! I've seen it in your eyes Potter, I'm not _blind_ " he said rather viciously and tried glaring at Harry, though the effect was diminished by the tears in his eyes and his lips that were clearly beginning to wobble. His voice was clearly angry, but there was sadness in it too.

"Hang on a minute, you're the one who hates me! You start all the fights, not me!" He exclaimed, a little uncomfortable with the situation he found himself in. The vulnerable Draco Malfoy in front of him crying was doing funny things to his heart and stomach, he didn't like seeing this Malfoy at all, if only he could stop him crying somehow.

He almost didn't catch Malfoy as he said rather quietly, "I don't hate you."

Harry wondered if he'd immagined it, "Sorry, what did you say?" He couldn't believe that Malfoy would say something like that. He must have immagined it.

"I said, I don't hate you" he repeted louder than before.

Harry was really confused now, "but why do you pick fights with me then? I don't understand"

"Because you wouldn't talk to me otherwise! It would be like I don't exist! The only way you'll even look at me is if I approach you first!" He almost shouted. He was very emotional, like the flood gates had been opened and everything that Malfoy had been keeping inside was now just flooding out.

Harry was about to say that it wasn't true, but thinking about it Malfoy was right.

"See, I'm right aren't I?" He said with a watery smile "you rejected my friendship and there was no other way to talk to you then, except to be your enemy" he sniffed trying to wipe tears away with the sleeve of his robe.

Harry was bewildered, he didn't know what to think now. He had the urge to hug him and rub soothing circles into his back to calm him as he was clearly having a break down. What he didn't understand was what he had to do with it, yes he refused the friendship, but that shouldn't really matter right?

"Do you know how hard it is to be mean to you? I don't want that! Not at all, but you'll ignore me if I don't!"

Clearly he hadn't finished, but it was all to strange. "But why do you want my attention? I don't understand" Harry asked bewildered.

"Because I like you you idiot!" He finally exploded.


	2. Chapter 2

"Because I like you, you idiot!"

There was a shocked silence, Draco suddenly realised what he said, ohshitohshitohshit! He hadn't meant to confess, it had just come out without his permission! He looked at Harry quickly, he was frozen in place, mouth hanging open. Maybe he hadn't heard? No, of course he'd heard, he had shouted it after all. He'd ruined it, there's no way he could face him again, why did he have to open his stupid mouth for? Not waiting any longer for the rejection that was sure to follow, Draco took off at top speed, not looking back. He wouldn't be able to handle it if a look of disgust were to be directed at him. Hate he could handle, disgust he could not.

—

Harry stood there, trying to process what had happened. Malfoy had just told him he liked him while crying, he said that he liked Harry. Strangely enough, he wasn't disgusted, that much he knew, but then, what did he feel? And, more importantly, what will he do now? He can't just ignore it or forget about it, it wouldn't be fair on Malfoy. Harry thus resolved himself to think very carefully about what it was that he felt for Malfoy exactly and how he would then answer his confession.

—-

He'd been avoiding bumping into Potter and his friends for the last two weeks since his accidental confession, he was just waiting for him to tell all his friends and ridicule Draco for being a disgusting homosexual. He was getting more nervous by the day as he failed to hear anything, maybe that was his plan? To drive him to insanity!… deep down, Draco knew that Harry Potter wasn't that type of person, but he had shown his most vulnerable part of himself to the person who hated him the most, so there was no telling what he was capable of doing.

Ever since the confession he'd noticed that Potter had been staring at him quite a bit, during dinner, in lessons, even during quiddich matches! Why was he staring? Had he never seen a homosexual before? Was it fun to make him nervous? He just didn't understand and it was driving him nuts!

—

The more Harry stared at Draco, the more he felt that a relationship with him wouldn't be that bad, he'd started noticing little things about him that he hadn't before and two and a bit weeks later had him thinking that being with Draco was actually quite appealing. He'd tried to imagine the two of them doing different things, like holding hands or cuddling by the fire, he even went so far as to imagine them kissing! What he found was that he wouldn't mind it at all.

He came to the conclusion that he probably liked Draco too, now it was just a matter of finding him again and telling him this. Having resolved his feelings he got up from where he was sitting in the common room and set off to look for him.

After a while of searching and a few inquiries later, Harry found him sitting once again in the secluded spot outside, reading. Harry walked up to him, he hadn't noticed he was there yet, so he cleared his throat which made poor Draco jump. It was, Harry thought, quite cute.

Draco looked somewhat like a deer caught in headlights when he noticed it was Harry standing in front of him. He scrambled a little to get up, prepared to run at any second.

"Draco, wait, I need to talk to you." Draco looked a bit shocked, maybe at the use of his first name? Come to think of it, Harry wasn't sure when it was that he'd started using it, it had just sort of…. happened.

In any case, his words seemed to do the trick and Draco stayed and turned to face him. He looked apprehensive and maybe slightly defeated? Harry wasn't sure what to make of his expression.

"what do you want?" He sighed, looking to the ground.

"It's about what you told me a while ago the last time we met."

A look of comprehension crossed crossed Draco's features, which then almost immediately turned guarded and sad. "So have you come to ridicule me? To tell me I'm disgusting?" He spat out.

"What?" Harry asked confused, why would he think that?... oh... _oh_! He still thinks I hate him! "No I would never!" He took a step closer while Draco took two steps back. "Wait, please just listen to what I have to say! Don't run away." He pleaded. Draco studied his face looking for something, then sighed heavily and said in a tired voice, "Fine, I'll listen".

Harry took a deep breath, "Okay, when you told me you liked me, I was shocked, really shocked actually, but I guess I was happy, happy that you didn't actually hate me. I didn't feel disgusted at all and so these last few weeks I've been thinking really hard about your confession and how I felt about it, felt about you, and I realised that I…. that I kind of maybe like you too." Harry stopped and looked at Draco who was staring back at him in shock.

"You're lying, there's no way you like me. You just said that to make fun of me didn't you, because you know how I feel! I bet your friends are hiding somewhere sniggering at how _fun_ it is to ridicule of my feelings! _right_?" His eyes once again tearing up.

Harry stared back at him in shock, how had his confession turned into this? Even if Harry hated someone, he would never, ever do this. "I'm not lying to you! I like you Draco! I really do!" He stepped closer to Draco, they were maybe two steps apart now. Harry looked into Draco's eyes, "Please believe me, I like you, I really, really like you".

Harry took a chance and closed the gap, taking Draco into a tight hug. Draco struggled a little but settled down when Harry started whispering his feelings into his ear, and stroking his hair. He reminded Harry of a cat like this, he then thought of past situations where his actions were like that of a cat, all proud and aloof. He sniggered slightly.

"Why're you laughing?" Came a slightly offended voice.

"Nothing, just thought you're like a cat, you're really cute you know"

From Harry's arms came an offended "what!" And Draco started to push Harry away. He was frowning at Harry "I am not cute! There is something wrong with your brain Potter"

"Hmm maybe," Harry replied smiling, "so, are we going out now?"he asked a little nervously.

"Ha, you _wish_! I'll maybe think about it if you get on your knees and beg me" Draco replied haughtily now back to the smug, proud Draco that Harry knew (and now also loved). The only evidence of the weak Draco from before was the slightly red eyes from his tears.

"I love you" Harry said again.

Draco's cheeks darkened slightly, he looked away clearly embarrassed. Harry just laughed and hugged him again, "Can I kiss you?" He whispered into his ear. Draco blushed more and huffed. "I suppose I can allow that."

Again Harry laughed lightly at how Draco's once haughty attitude just seemed cute to him now, when previously he had hated it with a passion. "Just like a cat" he said quietly before leaning in and pressing his lips to Draco's. He had never kissed anyone before and was nervous under his bravado. Was it okay? Did Draco hate it?

They broke a apart and looked into each others eyes, then it suddenly hit Harry that he had just kissed someone and not just anyone, he had just kissed _Draco_! This sudden revelation had him blushing bright red and all his confidence suddenly deserted him. "Uh…uum. .." Harry started, trying to say something, he wanted to ask if it was okay, or if Draco wanted to break up with him now since he's a bad kisser, okay maybe not that, but he was nervous and not quite thinking rationally anymore.

"You call that a kiss Potter? Pathetic, I'll show a real kiss" Draco said and grabbed the back of Harry 's head with one hand and pushed their lips together once more. Harry had to admit, Draco was good, well better than him anyway, he didn't exactly have anything to compare it to. He hugged Draco closer to him as the kiss turned more heated and tongues started getting involved.

They finally broke apart again when the need for air got too much, they panted lightly foreheads resting against each other. "I love you" Harry murmured once again.

"Me too" came the even quieter reply. "Now get off me Potter, or we'll be late! I don't want to be seen walking with you into the great hall" he said removing himself from Harry's arms and turning away in embarrassment.

Harry laughed lightly as he watched Draco stride off, he waited a few moments before following him.


End file.
